Tag Archives: Mind WIthout a Home

Today is February 11, 2014. I am alive and well.

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Gertrude Stein says it takes a long time to become a genius. She believed herself to be one of three geniuses. The other two were Alfred North Whitehead and Picasso. I wonder if I spent enough time in my study, contemplating things and writing in response to the air, if I too could prosper to genius. I doubt it, and if I could I think nothing in my life would change. What changes in life when one becomes a genius? Maybe it’s a silk coat meant to impress someone outside of self. Today, I don’t need reassurance outside my self. I do what I do because I know how to do nothing else….other than watch trashy television….ha. And although I said that I don’t need reassurance, reassurance is always a very nice thing that keeps me going if I am struggling with simply the right word.

Thanks for your readership.

It is February 10, 2014. I am alive and well.

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It feels like the trees have tipped south again. I am afraid of foliage laying on barren ground. Am I going to be able to write about myself for another 300 pages? Why would I want to do this? Is writing about the self the same as having a feeling of self importance? I don’t feel self important; I feel, curious. I’m not a writer who knows what I will write before sitting down. And in sitting down, it could be a good twenty minutes before I write a sentence and then get up to stretch. I find myself walking to the kitchen in search of water often. Is this a form of procrastination? I think not. I think it is a brief time in which I can let resonate the sentence or sentences I have just written. 

Thank you for your readership. Here’s toasting another day of inspiration.

Today is February 7, 2014. I am alive and well.

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I’ve been reading some old journal entries I wrote in 2006. Do you think it is okay to include journal entries in a memoir? I am  working on my second book. I’m considering including journal entries. I am not whining in any of them, just reporting on my day. When did diary become journal, and are they two different things. I remember writing in my diary when I was 12 about a boy I liked, Charlie. My sister found and read my diary, and then teased me relentless about my crush on Charlie. I threw that diary away and didn’t write another single word for years. Today, I am a poet. I think journal writing uses energy I could have used for a poem. But then I am suppose to be working on my second book….I have been. I am 150 pages in.

Today is October 21, 2013. I am alive and well.

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I had a reading and book signing at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe, AZ. It could not have gone better!! Even with all the medication I take at night, I couldn’t fall asleep for hours my adrenaline was so pumped up. I thank all that were there for coming. The turn out was great. I so appreciate and love the people in my life. I am truly blessed.

Today is October 11. I am alive and well.

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It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. Hopefully, you’ve been patient with me. I have had much going on and will write more about it at a later time. I just wanted to use this time to let you know I will be doing a book reading and signing at Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe AZ on October 19th at 7 pm. Hope to see some of you there!

Today is August 4, 2013. I am alive and well.

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Alive and well…..with a bit of anxiety. My book is launching soon. I am excited but also scared. I was going to say terrified, but I think that word is a bit strong. Of course, in the book I have relationships with other people. Relationships are not always smooth; sometimes they are challenging, even a bit rocky. I considered how the book might effect people that see themselves in it even though their names have been changed. But I don’t think I considered deeply enough. For a moment I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have written the book. Sigh. Someone reminded me that I am a writer, that is what I do. The same someone has read the galley copy of the book and has said the book is honest and that is important. I will trust them and try to relax. If you ordered the book through Amazon, I believe you will receive it on the 27th of this month. It hits the store on the 1st of September. Soon. Most of the time, I feel exhilarated. These next three weeks will pass quickly, although the clock will remain true; sixty minutes is always sixty minutes, ha.

Today is July 29, 2013. I am alive and well.

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It is good to feel alive, and good to feel well. I am glad Guy is not around when I wake up. I’m grouchy before my first two cups of coffee.

excerpt from Mind Without a Home

I want what lies beneath my madness. It is warm there. Thick there. Strong there. It is a place where Guy can rest his weary head on my shoulder, nestling into my long curls. I want the time I touch Guy to always be electric and new. This can be as long as my heart pumps blood to my mind, reminding me that madness is just a temporary thing. Whipped cream on coffee can be skimmed off, leaving coffee full and warm. Guy visits me where the birds dance hearts in the air above. Love and happiness lace my bones like liquor soaking cake.

Today is July 21, 2013. I am alive and well.

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Would I really tell you I wasn’t well if I wasn’t. Yes. Guaranteed. So, let’s talk about breakfast. I once had a friend tell me that he treated himself with a Frappacino every morning, and doing this helped get him out of bed in the morning. Well, I have a plain bagel smothered in butter and sugar free orange marmalade! I love it and look forward to it. Oh, and of course there is always coffee. Always coffee.

Excerpt

In the psychosis of a dark mind, strong lights shouldn’t have to stay dim. This has been a challenge for my prescribing psychiatrists; they have to lessen my impaired thinking without squelching the fire within that drives me. Often times, I think medication prevents me from writing at the depth I wish to write. I have to be reminded that I can’t write at all when claimed by psychosis. I don’t envy the doctors’ positions. I’m just glad that, over the years, I have had doctors that really listen to me, who don’t want to medicate me to numbness, but seek to allow vitality to burn free, also.

Today is July 15, 2013. I am alive and well.

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So, the six books I brought home on blogging, word press, and tweeter remain un-cracked. I want to be able to rest my hand on the cover and retrieve all the information there is to retrieve. Wouldn’t that be a great thing if we could just touch and know. If we could touch and know all there is to know about a person in one meeting, the excitement would be ruined. Getting to know a person slowly can be savored. Many meetings over coffee! Bummer to learn you don’t like the person; hopefully it is a mutual dislike so no one gets hurt and there are no nagging text messages. Must say though, it has been along time since i spent time with someone I dislike, or grew to dislike. Sweet. Below is another excerpt from Mind WIthout a Home.

In here are people prepared to help me let go of the agitation of tight pants, slip me into cotton, the cotton a dream state where for miles my mind can jog softly down the freeways of other worlds and not be hurt or standing in the world of 2 a.m. at the edge of a cliff wanting to jump, knowing I could fly if gravity would just stay still for a minute. Dream of sleep, then jump, always to float in the safety of the subconscious. It is waking that is the challenge. My body caught in the sensation of life, twisted this evening into a knotted string of twine.

Today is July 10, 2013. I am alive and well…

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…and breathing. It was a challenge getting out of bed this morning. Like all mornings. My meds make me really tired, but the alternative to not taking them is worse than tired. So I take them. To help get up, I think of the bagel with butter and orange marmalade that I am going to eat. Food is a great draw!

Excerpt–

I’m too tired to think of ink. To think of word. To think of pen, scratching its way across freeways, between cars deadened to their role in pollution and war. So much depends upon concern for the squirrel that just got flattened on Route 10.