Tag Archives: Kristina Marie Morgan

Today is August 4, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

Alive and well…..with a bit of anxiety. My book is launching soon. I am excited but also scared. I was going to say terrified, but I think that word is a bit strong. Of course, in the book I have relationships with other people. Relationships are not always smooth; sometimes they are challenging, even a bit rocky. I considered how the book might effect people that see themselves in it even though their names have been changed. But I don’t think I considered deeply enough. For a moment I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have written the book. Sigh. Someone reminded me that I am a writer, that is what I do. The same someone has read the galley copy of the book and has said the book is honest and that is important. I will trust them and try to relax. If you ordered the book through Amazon, I believe you will receive it on the 27th of this month. It hits the store on the 1st of September. Soon. Most of the time, I feel exhilarated. These next three weeks will pass quickly, although the clock will remain true; sixty minutes is always sixty minutes, ha.

Today is July 29, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

It is good to feel alive, and good to feel well. I am glad Guy is not around when I wake up. I’m grouchy before my first two cups of coffee.

excerpt from Mind Without a Home

I want what lies beneath my madness. It is warm there. Thick there. Strong there. It is a place where Guy can rest his weary head on my shoulder, nestling into my long curls. I want the time I touch Guy to always be electric and new. This can be as long as my heart pumps blood to my mind, reminding me that madness is just a temporary thing. Whipped cream on coffee can be skimmed off, leaving coffee full and warm. Guy visits me where the birds dance hearts in the air above. Love and happiness lace my bones like liquor soaking cake.

Today is July 21, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

Would I really tell you I wasn’t well if I wasn’t. Yes. Guaranteed. So, let’s talk about breakfast. I once had a friend tell me that he treated himself with a Frappacino every morning, and doing this helped get him out of bed in the morning. Well, I have a plain bagel smothered in butter and sugar free orange marmalade! I love it and look forward to it. Oh, and of course there is always coffee. Always coffee.

Excerpt

In the psychosis of a dark mind, strong lights shouldn’t have to stay dim. This has been a challenge for my prescribing psychiatrists; they have to lessen my impaired thinking without squelching the fire within that drives me. Often times, I think medication prevents me from writing at the depth I wish to write. I have to be reminded that I can’t write at all when claimed by psychosis. I don’t envy the doctors’ positions. I’m just glad that, over the years, I have had doctors that really listen to me, who don’t want to medicate me to numbness, but seek to allow vitality to burn free, also.

Today is July 15, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

So, the six books I brought home on blogging, word press, and tweeter remain un-cracked. I want to be able to rest my hand on the cover and retrieve all the information there is to retrieve. Wouldn’t that be a great thing if we could just touch and know. If we could touch and know all there is to know about a person in one meeting, the excitement would be ruined. Getting to know a person slowly can be savored. Many meetings over coffee! Bummer to learn you don’t like the person; hopefully it is a mutual dislike so no one gets hurt and there are no nagging text messages. Must say though, it has been along time since i spent time with someone I dislike, or grew to dislike. Sweet. Below is another excerpt from Mind WIthout a Home.

In here are people prepared to help me let go of the agitation of tight pants, slip me into cotton, the cotton a dream state where for miles my mind can jog softly down the freeways of other worlds and not be hurt or standing in the world of 2 a.m. at the edge of a cliff wanting to jump, knowing I could fly if gravity would just stay still for a minute. Dream of sleep, then jump, always to float in the safety of the subconscious. It is waking that is the challenge. My body caught in the sensation of life, twisted this evening into a knotted string of twine.

Today is July 10, 2013. I am alive and well…

Leave a reply

…and breathing. It was a challenge getting out of bed this morning. Like all mornings. My meds make me really tired, but the alternative to not taking them is worse than tired. So I take them. To help get up, I think of the bagel with butter and orange marmalade that I am going to eat. Food is a great draw!

Excerpt–

I’m too tired to think of ink. To think of word. To think of pen, scratching its way across freeways, between cars deadened to their role in pollution and war. So much depends upon concern for the squirrel that just got flattened on Route 10.

Today is June 26, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

My blogs only color comes from the words posted on it. I don’t know how to add purples or blues or pictures of chipmunks eating bread at my feet. I am meeting with a friend on Friday to try and remedy some of this. Her blog is great, Emilyism.com. Her conversations with her audience are lively and she has pictures. So, please hang in there with me…I am working on making the blog more visually interesting. Below is another excerpt from my book, Mind Without a Home.

Three is not a good number; it is a chair missing a leg.

I’m too tired to think ink. To think word. To think of pen, scratching its way across freeways, between cars deadened to their role in pollution and war. So much depends upon concern for the squirrel who just got flattened on Route 10.

Today is June 20, 2013. I am alive and well.

1 Reply

So, a little bit about myself and why the blog. I am a 48-year-old woman who has alcoholism and schizophrenia; two diseases that tell me I don’t have a disease. Writing the blog reminds me of where I come from and hopefully dispels some of the myths that get attached to these two diseases.

I am in good health. It is possible to live well with these two diseases. It is not easy. In fact, it is quite difficult, but I am up for the challenge. And the pay off is tremendous!

I am a member of a twelve step program that assists me in taking care of my alcoholism. This year, God willing, I will be celebrating 20 years of sobriety.

This year, because of a good medication regimen that I take as prescribed every day, and a little bit of willingness to walk into the day, I will celebrate being hospital free from schizophrenia for six years.

I am a writer, and as such, I don’t usually write in simple black and white ways. I didn’t want my metaphors to cloud alcoholism and schizophrenia. But it is true my alcoholism is a patient dog who will, if not given clean water to drink regularly, drink from the sewer every time, making her quite sick. And my schizophrenia will place me on a runway with an oncoming plane. I will either step out of the way of the plane or jump onto one of the wings in flight to another reality other than the common one in which you and I eat dinner and watch the local news.

I invite you to take off your hat, stand in socks, and journey with me as I slide into truths. Alcoholics are not just men in sheets with bottles in paper bags. Schizophrenics are capable of joining others in the stream of stars that invite love and kindness and compassion. I welcome you. Ride with me. Suspend judgment. Reach out. The world is full of all of us and allows for unicorns. God bless.

Today is June 16, 2013. I am alive and well.

2 Replies

Another Sunday. Guy and I were going to see The Man of Steel but the show was sold out and we didn’t feel like standing in line for two hours to catch the next one. Two hours is a great deal of time to me. I savor time. Gertrude Stein said genius required a lot of time. Maybe one day I will establish genius! Would that mean I would be able to finish cross word puzzles and have a meaningful conversation with the professor of religious studies at the local university? Ha….and then I want to believe what Flannery O’Connor said, “Nothing you write will lack meaning because the meaning is in you.” Beautiful, isn’t it?

Excerpt from Mind WIthout a Home–

The line goes dead. It is three in the morning. I don’t know what to do. I softly return the phone to its cradle and turn on the television. Mom will be in a coma and placed on life support within the hour. Her liver quit working. Everything quit working.