Poem for your pleasure…..I hope
When the World Turns Blue
There is little to look at outside of water. Black Converse sneakers laced to the ankle begging to meet the earth halfway between the dream and a next step forward. The next step forward is hard as stale toast and as necessary as lips. Lips blow horns, blow trombones. Saxophones. Keep food from slipping past the teeth. Console. Welcome. Say good-bye. Sensuality. Sweet. So sweet. Even chapped they will whistle. Lovely. Remember this when the next step forward places you below water and you need a straw to breathe with. And the moon rolls around the track in a fifteen minute mile. Slowly. I float head above the water. Breasts. Midriff. Thighs. Knees. Shins. Imagine black Converse sneakers. Imagine God wearing black Converse sneakers in one of many incarnations. Imagine God.
I’m tired of writing about Guy. The ink in my pen gets stuck when I get to the “Y” of his name. He is a past lover who could not stay faithful like skipping from one cereal box to the next, never finding just that sought after combination of wheat and sugar.
I am actually enjoying my single hood right now. My time is my own. I get to go out with whomever I want for coffee or a meal. I’m not lonely because I have writing and reading. My two kittens, Grams and Annie, keep me in hysterics. They’re sisters and they truly love each other. They play together al the time. They sleep wrapped around each other. I’m glad that they didn’t get split up at the Humane Society, and that I brought them home, together, even though they’ve taken to batting at my face in the middle of the night.
It’s peaceful in my house. Quiet. I no longer feel like I’m moving through thick air. I feel lighter, like a purse that has been emptied of all its change. I never knew I could be this strong alone. I am the horse without the saddle. My head is high in my six-feetness. I see what’s ahead of me in the next minute, and it is good. Breathe in, breathe out, and love.
I’m entering a couple of excerpts from my book. If you want more excerpts please let me know, or less, let me know that too. Yes or no, it’s all good.
It’s the nature of night to be dark, but then the moon gets thrown in to pull at our bellies, to pull us right out of our pants before we become lost like a black ant in the bottom of a black bowl.
As for mental illness, I struggled. The plague had yet to catch me completely. I thought of it as a Stephen King novel. I knew it was there, I knew something was happening, but in the first 150 pages of a 500 page book, it had yet to reveal itself. I still had time before my heart was cut out and my mind completely poisoned.
Today, I will go to the movies; something I couldn’t do when my mind was wrapped in sickness. It feels lovely. And I will of course be accompanied by the love of my life, Guy. We have been together for eleven years. Amazing. Thank all of you for being out there.
Today is June 8th. I am alive and well.