Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

Today is February 14, 2015. I am alive and well.

It is Valentine’s Day and I have no idea how significant this is. My friend told me it would be best to not dine at the Cheese Cake Factory tonight like I’ve been doing. she says it will be swamped with couples in love and celebrating. My friend works as a waitress there. I guess she thinks I will miss being with someone. I have been making Saturday night my date night with myself. Rather than dine tonight, I am joining Laurie for dinner at the Cheese Cake Factory tomorrow night.

I celebrate couples in love. They are petals on a new bloom. They are royalty to one another. They are not tentative in taking each other’s hand or wrapping their arm around each other’s shoulders. It is like rafting with one current, the current that has brought them together on this particular day. I salute all couples whether they be gay or straight, mixed raced or not. Love is a lovely thing. I applause Stellar and Solstice, the children of Guy’s daughter, Carrie, playing with dolls, innocent to the fact that one day they will become the doll. Andrew would call me baby doll; I didn’t find this condescending but rather special. It warmed my toes.

Guy, my ex, is still in my life. A few days ago, my dear friend, Pat, told me that she held no judgement. She said that if she ran into the two of us together, that she would be kind to Guy, welcoming to Guy. This almost brought tears to my eyes. Friends very much dislike Guy for the cheat that he was, the liar that he was. And I, I love him beyond reason. It is unexplainable I know.

Guy is no longer in Arizona but is in Florida, which is a good thing. It gives me time to love my single life (I am done with dating for awhile). It gives me time to reflect. I am a woman in need of time. I seek time. Time is a friend that allows me to think that anything is possible. Allows me to marvel at how secure I really am. I am blessed beyond belief. God loves me, and I know it. Life is here, right now, in this moment. It tastes like coconut juice and smells like sandalwood. I will go to sleep tonight as a single woman, knowing there is power in this, knowing that someday I will open my heart again and be the one to wrap my arm around his shoulder.

Today is February 14, 2014. I am alive and well.

I emphasize being well because well was not always the case. I use to spend a great deal of time in hospitals. In and out, in and out every couple of months due to the flare up of my schizophrenia. I have been hospital free now for 6 years, maybe 7. I credit this to the right mix of medications and my determination not to miss out on life. Life can be crushing at times, but after kicking the bricks off there is exquisite peace. Peace the size of a shower stall in which I fit. 

For Valentine’s Day, Guy took me to breakfast, gave me a stuffed bear and a beautiful card with all the right words.

Hope your day is filled with love. Thank you for your readership.