Tag Archives: truth telling

Today is July 9, 2015. I am alive and well.

One of my male friends said I give too much information about myself on my blog. I want to be the dog that growls before he bites. I want to be the dog, tail wagging, tongue out, asking to be petted. My blog is a place that I can totally create my honest self. My authentic self. I want to be translucent.

I use the word create not to mean I’m making things up, but instead to signal that I don’t know all about myself that there is to know. I am learning through writing, thus creating with one truth after another.

It fascinates me to sit down to write and not immediately know where I’m going. If I write about traveling in a car, I know I’m on the street, address in hand. If I dive into a pool, there are steps leading out. If I’m climbing a mountain, there’s always a peak. What if I start to walk in the desert, off trail, no destination in mind? First, I have to pay great attention to my surroundings so I know how I’ll get back. It’s like reaching for my unconscious mind in a blacked out room, nothing to focus on, hoping my conscious mind will let go, allowing for magic, allowing for truth, allowing for God.

Letting go of my conscious mind sends warmth through my body. I imagine my blood circulating. I imagine little people in my body working in sync to keep my six foot frame in good health. I have imagined these little people ever since I was six-years-old. It’s fun to think of these people taking up residence. Not only is my outward appearance alive–things move, hands, legs, eyes, etc.–but my inside glows with their little lantern.

I am awake. I move with grace. I try to make my connection with people meaningful. A smile carries a lot of pull. Being able to have real conversation amazes me. I was not always able to do this. Life continues and I with it. I will continue to put all of me out there. What is sacred in regard to personhood? I will learn this as I go.

Today is May 19, 2014. I am alive and well.

I feel like I’ve been mentioning God quite a bit. I have a deep spiritual connection with something larger than myself that allows for coincidences and deja vu. God also helps tame my fear, which is often times out of contral. But I don’t want to lose followers because of talking about or mentioning God. So then that brings up the question of who do I write for.

I know I write for myself, but because this is a blog and not a journal entry, I am also writing for an audience. A blog is a broad thing, larger than the expanse of an eagle’s wings, larger than a shelve of books, and maybe as large as a dictionary. Because of this, I”m not certain of my audience.

I am not religious. By stating that does it mean I am losing followers? I do believe in God. By stating that, do I lose atheists? I have many friends that come form many different spiritual experiences and even religious experiences. The religions include Judaism, the teaching of Islam, Catholicism, Buddhism, Wiccan, and the Metaphysical. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention Atheism.

I do try to be as inclusive as I can because I believe the world ought to be inclusive. There are plenty of roses stripped of their thorns to go around for everyone. Hell, I don’t even mind a bit of thorn as long as it doesn’t harm my core.

My core is what I try to offer my readership. It is what I like to read of others. There is something to truth telling that is mind boggling. More truth, more light. The dark isn’t a bad thing, it’s simply a moment waiting for batteries. There too is truth to be found in shadows. A shadow can be a lovely thing; think of paintings and chiaroscuro. Think to what fun it was to first note as a kid your shadow following you, or even your shadow leading you. Light, dark, shadow–there is a place for all of it. A grand place for all of it.