Why don’t we all have blogs? I think, why as drunks, do we not all get sober? How are the two related? Is it an issue of vulnerability? I just finished reading a magazine article that talked to the strength that comes with being vulnerable. I don’t know how vulnerable I am being in this blog–my shirt is not on backwards, the tag is not showing. When standing in line behind someone that has a tag showing I ask “may I put your tag down?” Some are put off by this, and some are actually grateful. Maybe the put off person thinks I am flirting, man or woman alike! I think there are better pick up lines….great hair, nice hands, I love your voice, do you have a dog?
As for getting sober, my mom did not make it. Her liver stopped working at the age of 58. Wednesday she’s walking around, Thursday she’s on life support. The life support is pulled and she dies. I am left to kiss her forehead one last time.
Today, I will hold my mom close, feel her breath as I imagine it on my cheek, feel her fingers trying to make sense of the knotted curls that is my hair, and I will work at the library, being the best employee I know how to be.
Today is June 5, 2013. I am alive and well.
Mind Without A Home 
I thought I was at the wrong month, but it was only that you were a little off on the month…No matter. Grief can do that. At any age, no matter when or for whom or how long ago. I hope you have a good day at the library and that it is nicely air conditioned. Stay cool and don’t sweat the small things, as they say. My mother is 85, the exact opposite of your mother’s age when she died. She, too, is a drinker, and I worry about her brain. We are all seeing signs of alcoholic dementia. It ain’t purty, not at all. I am so worried about that. But what can I do but love her and wish her well? She won’t stop drinking and I know I cannot make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. I know too well what forced “treatment” (abuse) is like and I would NOT do that to her. But I wanted better golden years for her, I really did.
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You are one of the bravest women I know. I am so proud of you. And find it a honor to call you friend. What if, what if everyone believed that there was recovery from mental illness. I believe with my heart that you Christina with your bravery have started that process! Good Girl! Emily
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